Friday, May 23, 2008
What in the world?
I had to call Windstream customer service today. Our DSL has been in and out and, of course, it goes out at he most inconvenient times-of course. I called and got to listen to the mind-numbing automated messages that they play...as if this is going to help the wait feel shorter. Most of the messages were something like this, "We know that your time is valuable...most of your questions can be answered by visiting our website at Windstream.com." "Visit our website for a list of frequently asked questions." "Visit our website for our trouble shooting guide." Are they serious? The whole reason I'm sitting here wasting my time on the phone is because I CAN'T ACCESS THE INTERNET! I was half expecting the guy in Calcutta to ask if I'd tried visiting the website. He didn't, so that's good. Anyway, I just thought it was funny.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Teeth
"Teeth"
Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein
When I read the description of this movie at work I had to rent it. Not because I thought it would be a good movie, but because any movie about a woman with teeth in her vagina has to be the worst possible movie ever made. Turns out I was right! It pretty much sucked crap out of a dead cow's butt. However, I knew it was going to blow chunks when I rented it, and as a result laughed hysterically. You know what the movie's about, so I really don't need to say much else here. They bill it as a "cautionary tale" for young men. Well, that "cautionary tale" didn't say much more than "all men are horny and sex crazed and women's vaginas will bite your penis off if you're not nice to them." Great message. Anyway, I highly recommend that you avoid this movie if you're looking for good cinema. You won't find it here. But, if you're bored and in the mood for a good laugh (albeit slightly dark), then you may not mind wasting two hours of your life. Sure to entertain with countless scenes of tasteful humor and romance (note the sarcasm...I'm totally kidding, there's nothing tasteful here at all).
I end with a question: If there is someone out there willing to finance a film about a penis destroying, tooth infested vagina, then shouldn't I have an easier time finding someone to finance one of my projects?
Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein
When I read the description of this movie at work I had to rent it. Not because I thought it would be a good movie, but because any movie about a woman with teeth in her vagina has to be the worst possible movie ever made. Turns out I was right! It pretty much sucked crap out of a dead cow's butt. However, I knew it was going to blow chunks when I rented it, and as a result laughed hysterically. You know what the movie's about, so I really don't need to say much else here. They bill it as a "cautionary tale" for young men. Well, that "cautionary tale" didn't say much more than "all men are horny and sex crazed and women's vaginas will bite your penis off if you're not nice to them." Great message. Anyway, I highly recommend that you avoid this movie if you're looking for good cinema. You won't find it here. But, if you're bored and in the mood for a good laugh (albeit slightly dark), then you may not mind wasting two hours of your life. Sure to entertain with countless scenes of tasteful humor and romance (note the sarcasm...I'm totally kidding, there's nothing tasteful here at all).
I end with a question: If there is someone out there willing to finance a film about a penis destroying, tooth infested vagina, then shouldn't I have an easier time finding someone to finance one of my projects?
Friday, May 2, 2008
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
"National Treasure: Book of Secrets"
Directed by Jon Turteltaub
Admitingly, I'm a bit of a history buff. So, needless to say, I love the "National Treasure" movies. Now, I know that there is fiction, myth, and conspiracy theory mixed in with the history, but I still like it. Those little nuggets of actually history are so tantalizing. This newest of the National Treasure films made me start thinking about how cool it would be to do a period film on the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. So, that has nothing to do with anything. So, before I digress any more. Check this one out on the 20th of May when it's released on DVD.
Directed by Jon Turteltaub
Admitingly, I'm a bit of a history buff. So, needless to say, I love the "National Treasure" movies. Now, I know that there is fiction, myth, and conspiracy theory mixed in with the history, but I still like it. Those little nuggets of actually history are so tantalizing. This newest of the National Treasure films made me start thinking about how cool it would be to do a period film on the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. So, that has nothing to do with anything. So, before I digress any more. Check this one out on the 20th of May when it's released on DVD.
Iron Man
"Iron Man"
Directed by Jon Favreau
Do you remember movies that set a standard for the Comic Book genre? (Well, we'll talk Marvel for our purposes. DC Comics is another topic for another day) Movies like "Spiderman," "X-Men," etc? You know movies that you left the theatre going, "That was so freakin' awesome!" You felt like you could be a superhero if afforded the right opportunities. Then the sequel was released so the studio could capitalize on the first one and you were wicked pumped for it and it was pretty good. But then the third one comes out and you're still excited because you feel like it should be better than the second, but you leave the theatre saying things like, "Brett Ratner did a disservice to that," or "Well, I thought Venom was cool for the five minutes he was in the film."
I say all that to say, WEE FREAKIN' HOO! "Iron Man," the first blockbuster of the summer, has brought the cool back to the genre. A fresh hero, fresh story, fresh franchise. I'm hard pressed to find something that I didn't like. The closest I can come is that they had to throw in a very brief sex romp. There's no nudity and I get that they are establishing the kind of man Tony Stark was before his change. But, as the father of a son, I of course see these things and go, "I get it, but can I distract my son for a few seconds so he can enjoy the rest of the 2 hour film that I know he'll love?"
Anyway, very non-offensive overall and that impresses me since too many times people seem to want to push the envelope too far. At any rate, Iron Man delivers and I was not in any way shape or form disappointed. Great story, great visuals, great writing (one liners and all), great acting (I love Downey Jr. in this role), great teaser at the end of the credits. All I'm saying is, "Ultimate Avengers?"
This is a film that I will make it a point to go back and see in the theatre and I will pre-order the special edition DVD when the time comes. So, Check Robert Downey Jr. out in this Jon Favreau film. You will not be sorry.
Directed by Jon Favreau
Do you remember movies that set a standard for the Comic Book genre? (Well, we'll talk Marvel for our purposes. DC Comics is another topic for another day) Movies like "Spiderman," "X-Men," etc? You know movies that you left the theatre going, "That was so freakin' awesome!" You felt like you could be a superhero if afforded the right opportunities. Then the sequel was released so the studio could capitalize on the first one and you were wicked pumped for it and it was pretty good. But then the third one comes out and you're still excited because you feel like it should be better than the second, but you leave the theatre saying things like, "Brett Ratner did a disservice to that," or "Well, I thought Venom was cool for the five minutes he was in the film."
I say all that to say, WEE FREAKIN' HOO! "Iron Man," the first blockbuster of the summer, has brought the cool back to the genre. A fresh hero, fresh story, fresh franchise. I'm hard pressed to find something that I didn't like. The closest I can come is that they had to throw in a very brief sex romp. There's no nudity and I get that they are establishing the kind of man Tony Stark was before his change. But, as the father of a son, I of course see these things and go, "I get it, but can I distract my son for a few seconds so he can enjoy the rest of the 2 hour film that I know he'll love?"
Anyway, very non-offensive overall and that impresses me since too many times people seem to want to push the envelope too far. At any rate, Iron Man delivers and I was not in any way shape or form disappointed. Great story, great visuals, great writing (one liners and all), great acting (I love Downey Jr. in this role), great teaser at the end of the credits. All I'm saying is, "Ultimate Avengers?"
This is a film that I will make it a point to go back and see in the theatre and I will pre-order the special edition DVD when the time comes. So, Check Robert Downey Jr. out in this Jon Favreau film. You will not be sorry.
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